Sharing Humor, Beauty and Art

Chemists do it reactively.
Chemists do it in test tubes.
Chemists do it in equilibrium.
Chemists do it in the fume hood.
Chemists do it in an excited state.
Chemists do it periodically on table.
Chemists do it organically and inorganically.
Electrochemists do it with greater potential.
Polymer chemists do it in chains.
Pharmaceutical chemists do it with drugs.
Analytical chemists do it with precision and accuracy.

What do toy trains and boobs have in common?

They were both designed for the kids but it's the dad that ends up playing with them.

How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to assure the public that everything possible is being done, while the other screws it into a water faucet.

“Give it to me!” She yelled.

"I’m so wet, give it to me now!"

But I guess chivalry is dead

... Because I'm keeping the umbrella

There are only two things you need to worry about in life;

Either you are well, or you are sick.

If you are well, then there's nothing to worry about. But if you are sick, then there's two things to worry about;

Either you will get better, or you will get worse.

If you will get better, then there's nothing to worry about. But if you get worse, then there's two things to worry about;

Either you will live, or you will die.

If you are going to live, then there's nothing to worry about. But if you are going to die, then there's two things to worry about;

Either you will go to heaven, or you will go to hell.

If you go to heaven then there's nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell...

You'll be so damn busy shaking all your friends' hands you won't have time to worry, so why worry?

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.

The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly.

As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

On the first night I said, "I think there's a monster under my bed..."

"Grow up," she replied.

"No, really," I continued. "It's hideous..."

"Stop pissing about," she snapped. "I knew it was a mistake letting you have the top bunk."

My doctor wrote me a prescription for "dailysex"...

But the wife had to break it to me that it was actually for "dyslexia".

What do you call a monkey in a minefield?

A baboom.

American: If we start drilling on the mountain, we could build a tunnel in about two months.

German: That's nothing, if we started drilling on this side of the mountain and on the other side of the mountain, we would build a tunnel in only one month.

Englishman: Piss off, if we started drilling on both sides of the mountain at the same time our employer would get two tunnels for the price of one.

All birds have specialized tail feathers that help with flight. These feathers are called pinions.

If you look closely you can tell that ravens have four of these feathers while crows only have three.

You could say the difference is just a matter of a pinion."

Guy walks into a Psychiatrist office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap.

The Psychiatrist takes one look at him and says

"I can clearly see your nuts!".

In a party a General proudly said that he did "it" 10 times with his wife on his wedding night.

Brigadier next to him said he did it 6 times before going to sleep 1st night.

Colonel claimed he did it 4 times on his first night.

All turned towards a young Captain and asked how many times did he do on his wedding night.

Captain replied: Only once sir.

General laughed n asked why?

Captain replied: My wife wasn't used to it Sir

Dustin and Jane (both blonde) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.

On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?"

The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him."

While creating Husbands, God promised Women that good and ideal Husbands would be found in all corners of the world.


...and then he made the earth round.

Two old men are sat on a bench at the park. A young, smoking hot girl runs past in a sports bra and a tiny pair of shorts. One of the men smiles and this brings the girl over.

"Why are you staring at me and grinning, you pervert?" she says.

The old man sweetly replies "My dear I'm not smiling at you, I'm smiling at the thought that no matter how bad the world gets, there will always be young, pretty girls in the summer to cheer up a lonely old man"

The girl replies "awwwww you sweet old man" leans in and gives him a kiss on the cheek and jogs on.

The old man turns to his friend and says "3 to zip oldfart, It's your turn".