Sharing Humor, Beauty and Art

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex.
Worried the girl might become pregnant she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very wilful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman brought up her concerns and handed her a box of condoms.

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying,
'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'

A man and a woman are lying in bed late night... The woman asks her man: "Honey, do you prefer smart or pretty women?"

The man responds calmly, thinking that he has outwitted her little test: "Neither, baby, I prefer you."

An Engineer could not find a job, so he opens a clinic, and puts a sign outside that says get treatment for $50, if not cured get back $100.

A Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity show up the engineer and earn a quick $100. And so he visits the clinic.

Doctor: I have lost my sense of taste.

Engineer: Nurse , bring the medicine from box no 22 and place 3 drops in the patient's mouth.

Patient (Doctor): Spits out the medicine and says "This is not medicine, it's Gasoline".

Engineer: Congrats.. you have your taste back ..that will be $50

Doctor gets annoyed, and returns after several days to recover his money.

Doctor : I have lost my memory and can't remember a thing.

Engineer : Nurse , bring medicine from box no 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth.

Doctor: "This medicine is for the sense of taste" protests the Doctor.

Engineer : congrats. your memory is back.. ..that will be $50

Doctor leaves, but after several days angrily returns for one last try.

Doctor : My eyesight has become weak.

Engineer : Well I don't have any medicine for that. Take this $100

Doctor : But this is $50 Note

Engineer : Congratulations, your eyesight has gotten better. ..that will be $50

A 3rd-grade girl came home from school. She was very happy, and her Mom noticed this and asked, "What makes you so happy today?"

The girl said, "Mom, we learned how to make babies in school today!"

Thinking that 3rd grade was a bit early for that, she asked her daughter to tell her how.

"It's easy, Mom... you just drop the 'Y', and add 'I-E-S'," the daughter said.

A woman came to her doctor in a panic.

"Doctor, all day long my daughter eats yeast and car wax, and won't get out of bed! What will happen to her?"

"Don't worry," said the Doctor, "eventually she will rise and shine."

As ordered, each man took his place in ranks, oblivious to the freezing cold and snow. The major, then proceeded to walk through the ranks, stopping at one soldier.

The major took his swagger stick, and proceeded to strike the youngsoldier across the face. " Did that hurt? demanded the major. " Nien" replied the soldier. "And why not?"questioned the major.

The soldier replied, "because I'm a soldier in the German Army" "Very good" said the major. The officer then approached another soldier, and taking his swagger stick, pushed it forcefully into the young man's stomach.

The young soldier made no sound, nor did he move. "Did that hurt?" the major asked. "Nien " was the soldier's response. "And why not?" asked the major. The young soldier responded with "because I'm a soldier in the German Army".

"Good" said the major. The major then looked down the row of naked men, and noticed one of them was sexually aroused. Walking over to this soldier, the major raised his swagger stick, and with all his might, brought it down on the fully erect manhood..

"Did that hurt? asked the major. "Nien " was the soldier's reply. The major now standing face to face with the young soldier asked "And why not?.

The soldier, looking the major directly into his eyes, quietly said "because it belongs to da man behind me

You could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel.

You could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it!

You could improve your appearance by adjusting the display settings.

You could turn off the speakers when life gets too noisy.

You could click on “find” (Ctrl, F) to recover your lost remote control and car keys.

To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!

If you mess up your life, you could always press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over!

A neutron saunters up to the bar orders a drink and asks ''How Much?''
the bar tender replies: ''For you no charge''

Same Bar...
Some helium floats in...
Bar tender says ''We don't serve your kind''
The helium doesn't react

A superconductor walks in
''we don't serve your kind here''
The superconductor leaves without resistance

A neutrino walks in, and again this bastard bartender says "We don't serve your kind"
Nuetrino replies ''No worries I'm just passing through''

I gradually woke up stiff as a plank in hospital's ICU, tubes up my nose & down my throat, wires monitoring every function & all around my head, hell of a pain over my left ear, and a gorgeous nurse hovering over me.

It was obvious I'd been in a serious accident.

She looked deep & steady and I heard her slowly say, 'You may not feel anything from the waist down.'

I managed to mumble a reply,

'Can I feel your breasts, then?'.'

Now that I think about it, I probably didn't need glasses for my butt.

I guess hindsight is 20/20

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.

Daisy says to Dolly, ‘I was artificially inseminated this morning.’

‘I don’t believe you,’ says Dolly.

‘It’s true; no bull!’ exclaims Daisy