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Useless News

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The latest weird news headlines

Politicians are always getting elected and screwing over the voters, countries are always at war, and the economy
is always in trouble. Frankly we're just tired of hearing news that's always bad. So, if you want to find out who died,
read your local paper. If you want to read something funny and have a laugh or two, click on these headlines



July 23, 2008
'Allah meat' astounds Nigerians
Break-in suspects found asleep on stolen goods
Don't press that button!
Police arrest man accused of taking 42 cents from fountain
L.I. Teacher Arrested Again For Sex With Student
Bomb Turns Out to Be String Cheese
Grey Poupon' quip met with cocked handgun


July 22, 2008
40 percent of US gamers are women
Social stigma drives some women to remove tramp stamps
Scrap metal sales up as folks turn trash to treasure
Don't scare the criminal, police dog handlers told
The Overlord wants his money NOW
Pastor gets into motorcycle crash - during service
Girls rapped over charity collection


July 21, 2008
HOMEOWNERS must let inspectors in to check for DANCING BEARS
Jefferson Bible reveals Founding Father's view of God
Photographing thugs 'is assault' according to police
Would-be burglar found dead in ventilation shaft - Darwin smiles
112-year-old Alabama man spends days drawing images from youth
Get a $200 refund for unwanted Vista
Feral donkey a 'boost' for women's sex drive


July 20, 2008
Hi-tech is turning us all into time-wasters
Pubs may be forced to to offer smaller glass sizes for spirits
Crocodile drags Leopard under - or maybe not
Elevator To Space More Than Just An Idea
Police Caught Driving Impounded Cars
Reality bites


July 19, 2008
Reach for the Pinnacle With Transcendent Sex
Gang Used Torture to Rob Drug Dealers
Employee wins compensation after boss ordered her to get smaller breasts
Frustrated parents sneak 'old math' to kids
Drugs seized in Spain replaced with talcum powder
Court sinks pirate ship tree house
Montreal shopkeepers told to put brooms away
Octopus sex man avoids jail


July 18, 2008
Making homemade firecrackers - explosive mistake
Dive-bombing Seagulls are protected under the Wildlife and Countryside Act
Shut Down Giant Swiss Bank UBS - Rrright
Planners look at straight, gay or bisexual survey
Man, citing heat, found fondling himself on front porch.
How Fat Is Your State?
Top court upholds mandatory retirement

July 17, 2008
Tongue Orchids’ Sexual Guile: Utterly Convincing
The largest increase demand for tattoos is among middle-aged women.
When it comes to flirts, men just don't get it
Nude climber craze tipped to take over Britain
Cafes use fake cigarette smells to create atmosphere after ban
'Armed man' prompts scare at store
Another female teacher accused of having sex with student
The net worth of the US is equivalent to a mere 400 billion barrels of oil


July 16, 2008
Mormons make missionary position clear
Drunk teen sex ruled no crime - in Canada
Man cut power because he 'enjoyed sparks'
Daughter who devoted her life to parents sees inheritance given away
COPS get three hours to respond to emergency
UK is now 'almost the worst area to live in Europe'
School Of Fish 'Walking' Through Neighborhood Shocks Homeowners


July 15, 2008
New Camera Issues Tire Tread Tickets
Husband Training: Dolphin Training Techniques Applied to Men
US school rebuked for strip searching 13yo of for ibuprofen
Hit men classifieds draw police, media scrutiny
Opera for the deaf
Miss Venezuela is Miss Universe 2008
Women arrested in sex competition
Winner of this years "Can Do" award
They were married for 61 years ... and only apart for three hours


July 14, 2008
An American Pastime: Smoking Pot
Pastor among suspects in illegal snake bust
Police rounded up women for 'talent night' in lounge at headquarters
Why do so many of us like kinky sex? - Times
Junk collector finds $400,000 cash in closet
Girl given parking fine after fainting in car
Law giving U.S. government unchecked authority to eavesdrop signed by Bush


July 13, 2008
Sex curse found at ancient site - report
How much information are you giving when they scan your license?
Single Jewish Female Seeks Stress Relief
Life Not Worth As Much, Says Gov't Agency
Muslim woman deemed too submissive to be French
German bars flouting smoking ban by converting to smoking clubs
Groundsman accidently destroys golf course fairways with weedkiller


July 12, 2008
Ex-diplomat: Sex with teens OK in foreign cultures
City playboys can't afford their mistresses
Police answer call of family fight, find marital bliss instead
More sex please, we're British
Can you sue the Almighty's publishers?
Hole drilled in vase costs owner $250.000
I do as Muslim couple marry by telephone


July 11, 2008
Group proposes George W. Bush Sewage Plant
Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood, 61, 'runs away with 18-year-old
Job centre advertises for naked cleaner, £10 an hour, only £6 if you're clothed
Realities of One-Night Stands Revealed
Caesarean births skyrocket in Brazil - guys approve
Josef Fritzl going stir crazy in cell
'Penis-growing' grandma dies


July 10, 2008
Guess who' getting rich !!
Short-sizing’ saves manufacturers money but gives you less for same price
Ex-Prosecutor Gets 2 Years For Sex With Teens
Fort Drum soldier competing for national pageant title
Could you make love to your husband every day for a year?
GOP: Don't blame manufacturers for toxic trailers
TWO grannies on mobility scooters dust it up at supermarket


July 9, 2008
Woman tries to kill mice with.44-Magnum , shoots self
Enormous dog stuck in a cat flap rescued - Photos
Youths throw rocks at house - homeowner is arrested
Law-abiding mum told she's a junkie
Woman charged with drunken driving after blowing 0.0 - twice
Man robbed buying crack calls cops who arrest him
Man's 'treasure chest' find disappoints


July 8, 2008
Belfast finds a new use for military personnel carriers - Babe magnets
Teenager finds baby bat in her bra she was wearing
Toddlers who turn their noses up at spicy food branded racists Government
Is it acceptable to serve edamame to a dinner guest who's a pescatarian?
Undercover ‘john’ takes on trannies, pimps
Film a Cheerleader Performance, Go to Jail
British forecasters predicted summer is all but over.
'Zero' chance lottery tickets stun some players


July 7, 2008
Wrong number! Job hotline was sex line
Man who detained thug for smashing a window is charged with assault
Zara the lion cub and Arnie the house cat make a purrfect couple
For Better or Worse, Sex in Space Is Inevitable
Bride's day – and dress – falls apart at altar
Church plans male 'superbishops' for clergy who refuse to be led by women
Reunited couple's nuptials highlights 13th annual Redneck Games


July 6, 2008
Tofu 'may raise risk of dementia'
Guilty until proven innocent - Why was this woman on trial?
Police say cow was acting in a “very aggressive manner”
Schoolboys Get Detention for Refusing to Pray to Allah
Preaching to the Pub
Fires bad news for pot growers
Children to be locked in school to stop them buying junk food


July 5, 2008
Hot female partner means more sex for men
Never underestimate cheap, easy or stupid in home maintenance
Carjackers' nightmare: intended victims are two cops
Weird looking (mug shot) Man arrested for selling pills to undercover cop
Family Of Robbery Suspect Says Customer Shouldn't Have Pulled Trigger
Russians suspect Welsh arsonist stripper could be British spy


July 4, 2008
Scientists: Watermelon yields Viagra-like effects
Ground Zero has remained nothing but a hole for seven years - Why?
Teacher flees to Mexico for tryst with 13yo boy
Pictured: Monster crab with claws the size of a man's hand
Wheel scary: Chinese anti-terror police practice killing on scooters
Boy steals police car, patrols, returns it, cops don't notice
Where The Government Tax Rebate Checks Really Went: Porn


July 3, 2008
Understanding Sleep Sex Disorders or Sexsomnia
Woman 70 has become the world’s oldest mother - wanted a son
Engineer Gets 110 MPG Out Of '87 Mustang
US Government Faces Lawsuit For Mobile Phone Tracking
Miller, Coors merge - flavor still sucks
Couple Who Let Lawn Die to Save Water Face Fine
Nudist Colony Will Now Be Limited To Pool


July 2, 2008
Courthouse with dead opossum almost free of fleas
Chinese soldiers 'corrupted by karaoke and saunas'
Muslims outraged at police advertisement  featuring cute puppy
Smokers: What in tar-nation or $7 a pack
We have special sauce - do not bring your own
Pentagon relaxes standards - needs warm bodies
Drugged Man Attempts To Walk On Water


July 1, 2008
Manufacturers slip one over on Americans.
Government Solution: Spend half a billion to stop skinny dipping
Naked Women's Wrestling League bests Carmen Electra in court ruling
Arrested for strolling along the Interstate wearing nothing but a thong, fake breasts and a wig
Smile! It's pageant time - with photo gallery
U.S. is still #1 - in drug use, WHO finds
Prince Charles has converted his 38-year-old Aston Martin to run on English wine