Stupid Laws from Massachusetts

At a wake, mourners may eat no more than three sandwiches.

Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.

An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.

Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.

All men must carry a rifle to church on Sunday.

Hunting on Sundays is prohibited.

It is illegal to go to bed without first having a full bath.

A woman can not be on top in sexual activities.

No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car.

Tattooing and body piercing is illegal. (Repealed)

Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes.

Tomatoes may not be used in the production of clam chowder.

Quakers and witches are banned.

Bullets may not be used as currency.

Massachusetts liquor stores can only open on Sundays if they are in Berkshire, Essex, Franklin, Middlesex or Worcester counties and are within 10 miles of the Vermont or New Hampshire borders.

Alcoholic drink specials are illegal.

Public boxing matches are outlawed.

Shooting ranges may not set up targets that resemble human beings.

It is illegal to play the fiddle. (Boston)

Two people may not kiss in front of a church. (Boston)

No more than two baths may be taken within the confines of the city. (Boston)

No one may cross the Boston Common without carrying a shotgun in case of bears. (Boston)

Anyone may let their sheep and cows graze in the public gardens/commons at any time except Sundays. (Boston)

It is illegal to eat peanuts in church. (Boston)

An old law prohibits the taking of baths on Sunday. (Boston)

Duels to the death permitted on the common on Sundays provided that the Governor is present. (Boston)

Women may not wear heels over 3 inches in length while on the common. (Boston)

No one may take a bath without a prescription. (Boston)

It is illegal for any citizen to own more than three dogs. (Boston)

It costs $50 extra for a permit for hurling, soccer or Gaelic football games in a public park on a Sunday. (Cambridge)

You may not have colored lights on your house if it can be seen from Main Street. Only white lights may be visible. (Hingham)

If you live on Main Street and want to paint your house, the colors must be approved by the historical society. (Hingham)

Though horses and cows are allowed on the common, dogs are prohibited. (Hopkinton)

It is illegal to buy, sell or possess a squirt gun. (Marlboro)

Silly string is illegal in the city limits. (Marlboro)

One may not detonate a nuclear device in the city. (Marlboro)

It is illegal for any citizen to own more than two dogs. (Marlboro)

Peeping in the windows of automobiles is forbidden. (Milford)

Sleds may not be coasted down streets. (Nahant)

It is illegal to excavate any city street. (Nahant)

All families must be given a hog from the town's mayor. (Newton)

An ordinance prohibits the use of space guns. (North Andover)

In bars, it is actually illegal to "walk around" with a beer in your hand. (Woburn)