Salesmen Jokes

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk.

"That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.

The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."

Two salesmen were traveling through northern Wisconsin one Febuary and it started to snow. It came down harder and harder till they came to a complete stop.

One said "Hey there is a light on the hill. Must be a farm house, lets get up there and see if we can sleep in the barn rather than this cold car."

After the widow lady answered the door bell and they explained their problem she said "Well gentlemen, you don't have to sleep in the barn. I am a widow and I have three bedrooms here.

Please come in and I will make some warm dinner for you." They did and then watched some TV and all went to bed. The next morning the roads had been cleared and they thanked the widow and left.

About 9 months later one salesman got a registered letter from the law offices of Dewey, Cheatham and Howe in Madison Wisconsin.

After he read the letter he immediately called his associate and said, "Hey Jim, do you remember when we got stuck in the snow last winter in Wisconsin?"

Sure replied Jim. "Well, tell me something, did you by any chance sneak into the widows bedroom that night?"

"Well!" replied the salesman, "as a matter of fact I did. But why do you ask?""

Tell me something else, first," he replied "did you by any chance use my name?"

"Well," said the salesman, "as a matter of fact I did. After all you are single and always sleeping around and I'm married and can't so I figured it was safer that way. Why? what happened? Why are you asking these questions?"

"Well" the first salesman said, "It seems she died and left me the farm!"

A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there.

The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?"

"Yes, I was a salesman in the country" said the lad. The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up."

The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?"

"One," said the young salesman.

"One," blurted the boss, "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?"

"Three hundred thousand dollars," said the young man.

"How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.

"Well," said the salesman "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser."

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?"

"No," answered the salesman "He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, 'Your weekend's shot, you may as well go fishing.'"

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic hotel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk and asked if there was a stylist on the premises.

"No sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "On the second floor is a special machine that should serve your purposes." Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine that said haircuts, inserted fifty cents, and stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl.

Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his head in the mirror, which reflected the best haircut he ever received in his life.

Down the hall was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures - 25 cents." "Why not?" thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and pulled them out perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a huge sign that read, "This Machine Provides What Men Need Most When Away from Their Wives - cost 50 cents."

The salesman was embarrassed and looked both ways. Seeing nobody around he put in fifty cents, then unzipped his pants and stuck his "thing" into the opening - with great anticipation, since he had been away from his wife for 2 weeks.

When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony.

Fifteen seconds later it shut off and, with trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his dick, which now had a button sewed on the tip."

telephoned a household, and a four-year-old boy answered. The conversation went thus:

Salesman: May I speak to your mother?

Boy: She's not here.

Salesman: Well, is anyone else there?

Boy: My sister.

Salesman: O.K., fine. May I speak to her?

Boy: I guess so.

At this point there was a very long silence on the phone. Then:

Boy: Hello?

Salesman: It's you. I thought you were going to call your sister.

Boy: I did. But I can't get her out of the playpen.

An old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a few moments of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money", she said as tried to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.

"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a pail of horse manure all over her carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning."

One morning, a representative for a condom company was on her way to an international condom convention.

While hastily rushing through the airport, the saleswoman dropped her briefcase carrying her samples, scattering condoms across the floor.

She noticed passers by looking at her as she tried to get the condoms back into her briefcase. "It's okay," she said. "I'm going to a convention."

There is one big advantage in turning 50.

You don't get a lot of calls from life insurance salesmen.

Silicone salesman displaying his wares to Plastic Surgeons.

"Mammaries are Made of This"