Nudist Jokes

Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

A man was sunbathing in the buff at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private parts.

A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."

He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself".

Down in Florida, there's a little hotel, four floors high. A girl used to take a sunbathe there every day. Since there were no higher hotels near it, she would take off her bathing suit and be in the nude.

So she was in the nude and she was lying on her stomach, and she heard someone coming up the steps. She quickly grabbed the towel and put it around her.

The man said, "I wish you wouldn't sunbathe in the nude up here."

She said, "You never protested before."

He said, "No, but I wish you would do it like you did before, in your bathing suit."

She said, "Why do you care? No one can see."

He said, "Madam, you happen to be lying on the skylight of a dining room."

A guy applied to join a nudist club. "Exactly what do you do here?" he asked. "

It's quite simple," said the club secretary, "We take off all our clothes and commune with nature." "Cool," said the guy, "Count me in!"

So he paid his membership fee, took off his gear and strolled off. As he walked along a path, he saw a big sign which read, 'Beware of Gays.

A little further along he saw another sign which read the same thing, 'Beware of Gays.' He continued walking until he came to a small clearing which had a bronze plaque set in the ground.

He bent over to read the plaque and it said, 'Sorry, you've had two warnings!'

Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around.

A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says, "Sir, did you call for me?

"Bob replies, "No, what do you mean?"She says, "You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me."

Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down, and happily lets him have his way with her.

Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts.

Within a few moments a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him.

The Huge Man says, "Sir, did you call for me?" Bob says, "No, what do you mean?"

"You must be new here, it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and sodomizes him.

Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist. "May I help you?" Bob says, "Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500 membership fee."

"But Sir, you've only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities..."

"Listen lady, I am 67 years old. I get a hard-on once a month---but I fart 15 times a day!"

A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.

What is the best birth control method for senior citizens

Nudity!

There were a couple of old gals in the local nursing home who were getting a little bored with the lack of excitement in their surroundings. They decided to liven things up and took their clothes off and walked through the local male gathering area in the buff.

One of the men poked the other one and asked if he had seen what just went by. The other replied yep he had seen it and whatever it was it sure did need ironing

Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water.

The son comes running up to his mom and says, "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!"

The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play.

Several minutes later, he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!"

The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." Once again the son goes back to play.

A short time later, he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw, and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"

A naked man fears no pickpocket.

A hole has been found in the fence at the Sunny Dale Nudist Resort, police are looking into it