Funny Short Blond Jokes

How do you confuse a blonde?

No Need. They're born that way .

How do you keep a blonde in suspense?

(I'll tell you tomorrow.).

How do you keep a blonde busy?

Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper .

How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?

One .

Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes?

They take off their makeup .

What's the ultimate embarrassment for a blonde?

When her Ben-Wa balls set off the airport metal detector .

Why do blondes have more fun?

Because they don't know any better.

What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?

Change.

Why don't blondes eat pickles?

Because they can't get their head in the jar.

What does a blonde make best for dinner?

Reservations.

How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengal's team?

Just One... Boomer Esiason.

What's brown and red and black and blue?

A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.

What happens when a blonde puts her panties on backwards?

She gets her ass chewed out.

Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?

She found out Big Ben is only a clock.

Why can't blondes make ice cubes?

They always forget the recipe.

Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?

Because you don't have to marry them to have sex with them!.

Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio?

It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.

Did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes?

It's called MAIDS - if the don't get one, they die.

Did you hear about the blond with a Masters degree in Psychology?

She'll blow your mind, too.

Did you hear about the new slogan for Miss Clairol's Hair Dye?

Buy a double batch and get a snatch to match.

Did you hear about the blonde who had an apendix operation?

Well, now she is making money on the side.

Did you hear about the blonde that tried to eat mountain oysters?

She was dragged 200 yards.

Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?

She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.

Why won't a blonde drink beer at the beach?

Why do blondes wear tight skirts?

To keep their legs together .

What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?

Divorced.

How is a blonde like a postage stamp?

How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?

There's white-out on the screen.

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Blondes screw in back seats, not in light bulbs, silly.

What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?

How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?

She has a checkbook.

What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?

The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.

How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?

She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

What's the difference between a blonde and your job?

Your job still sucks after 6 months .

What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?

Lipstick.

Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?

Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds.".

Why do blondes always drink with straws?

Practice.

Why don't blondes double recipes?

The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?

She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.

How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"

Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry.

Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book called "How to Hug"?

Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopedia....

A Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."

"Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy. "Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter. The Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"

"That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter.

Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me...".

Sally (a blonde) was seen going into the woods with a small package and a large bird cage. She was gone several days but finally she returned. Her! friend, Liz, never saw Sally looking' so sad.

Liz "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay...but you look so sad. Why??" Sally," Cause I just can't get a man."

Liz, "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods."

Sally, "Don't be so silly. I know that. But I went in the woods cause I needed something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find it."

Liz, "I don't understand what you're talking about."

Sally, "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird cage."

Liz, "So, how's that gonna help you get a man."

Sally, "Well, I heard the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hooters.".

Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Buffy, in great detail.

The robbery begins. Judy drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Buffy, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan.

You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"

"Perfectly," said Buffy.

Buffy goes in the bank while Judy waits in the getaway car.

One minute passes . . .

Two minutes pass . . .

Seven minutes pass . . . and Judy is really stressing out.

Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes Buffy. She's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car.

About the time she gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again and the security guard comes running out.

The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles and he is firing his weapon.

As the gals are getting away, Judy says "You are such a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!"

Buffy said, "I did . . . I did exactly what you said!"

"No, you idiot," said Judy. "I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!" .

A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off.

I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn-signal fluid.".

A blonde & brunette are in an elevator. On the third floor a man gets on who's just perfect: 3-piece suit, great build with a nice butt.

Unfortunately, they both noticed, he had really bad dandruff.

The man got off on the 5th floor. Once the doors closed the brunette turned to the blonde and said, "Someone should give him 'Head & Shoulders.'"

To which the blonde replied, "How do you give 'Shoulders'?".

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and died brown.

A few days later, as she was driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"

The shepherd, always the gentleman replied, "Of course." The blonde thought for a moment and for no discernible reason said, "352." This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."

The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others.

When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "

O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?".

A blonde, brunette and redhead were walking along the beach. A seagull fly's over and craps all over the blonde, the brunette say's in a disgusted voice "hang on the bathroom is just up the hill, I'll go get some toilet paper."

After she leaves the blonde begins to laugh, the redhead say's "what's so funny?"

The blonde say's "well, blondes are suppose to be so dumb and look at her, by the time she gets back with the toilet paper that seagull will be miles away!"