Short Funny Blonde Jokes
Why did the blonde stare at a frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
Because it said 'concentrate' .
Why do blondes work seven days a week?
So you don't have to retrain them on Monday .
What is the first thing a blonde learns when she takes driving lessons?
You can also sit upright in a car .
What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board .
How does a blonde like her eggs?
Unfertilized .
What's the definition of a metallurgist?
A man who can tell if a platinum blonde is a virgin metal or a common ore .
What's the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?
Elvis has been sighted .
What is the difference between a new blonde and an old blonde?
Vaseline and Poli-Grip .
What's the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
Some traffic signs say stop .
What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?
The shopping cart has a mind of its own.
What's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb?
The light bulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on .
What's the difference between a blonde and a walrus?
One has fishy flaps, and the other is a walrus .
What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining .
What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
She turned it over and used the other side .
What is a blonde's idea of dental floss?
Pubic hair .
What did the really dumb blond say when someone blew in her ear?
Thanks for the refill .
Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades .
How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave to her .
How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
Shine a torch in her ears .
How do you drown a blond?
Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool .
What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
Locking the car door .
Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out .
What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
One's a phony buck.
What did the blonde do when she heard the British were coming?
She stopped sucking .
How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard .
How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
Flattered .
Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat .
What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
One that never misses a period .
What is every blonde's ambition in life?
To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet .
What can save a dying blonde?
Hair transplants .
What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
Third Grade .
What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?
She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans .
Why doesn't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands?
Because the vacuum in her head keeps them in place .
What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
Marriage .
What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?
A hundred dollar bill .
How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A 69 interrupted by a period .
