Humorous Horoscopes

You are the pioneer type and hold others in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. Aries the are least compatible with the other astrological signs.

People born under this sign often find themselves in management positions as they are least likely to care what others think. To be honest most people consider you a prick.

You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and will work like hell. Taurus's are also stubborn and bullheaded.

People born under this sign excel at repetitive work and make excellent employees as long as the task is simple. Most Taurus's tend to live alone and play with themselves a lot.

You are a quick, intelligent thinker and flexible in your views. You laugh easily and tend to get along with most people. People like you because you are bisexual.

However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little leading friends to conclude that you are cheap.

You are sympathetic and understanding to others peoples problems and quick to offer help. Because you are easily moved by a sad story, people think you are a sucker.

On the other hand, you are always putting things off, and that is why you never get anything done.

You consider yourself a born leader while others view you as pushy. You have a difficult time accepting that your view of religion, politics, etc. is not shared by everyone.

Leo's tend to be bullies by nature and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance causes friction with others and as such you will never be a team player.

You are the logical type and hate disorder. Most grammar Nazis trolling the Internet are Virgos. The constant nitpicking is sickening to your friends.

You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while making love. The trait of always feeling the need to correct people makes Virgos excellent IRS agents.

You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are male ods are good that you are bisexual or gay. On the other hand Libra women are considered easy and tend also to be bisexual. 

 Frequent changes of employment are expected because of your inability to cope.

You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You most likely achieve the pinnacle of success because of your lack of ethics.

You are socially awkward with few friends. In other words you are the perfect son of a bitch.

You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You are have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority of Sagittarians are substance abusers.

People laugh at you a great deal because you are always getting screwed.

You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You don't do much of anything and are considered lazy. Through out history there has never been a Capricorn of any real importance.

Capricorns should avoid standing still for long periods of time as they tend to attract pigeons

You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive . Aquarians also tend to make up stories that stories they later try to pass off as reality.

Aquarians are inclined to be careless and impractical, often making the same mistakes repeatedly.

You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed. You have a minor influence over your associates and people resent you for flaunting your power.

You lack confidence and class yet try to impress people with your prowess.