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Useless News

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Politicians are always getting elected and screwing over the voters, countries are always at war, and the economy is always in trouble. Frankly we're just tired of hearing news that's always bad. So, if you want to find out who died, read your local paper. If you want to read something interesting and have a laugh or two, scroll down.



May 16, 2008
Judges rule it is legal to ogle man boobs (but not women's breasts)
If it includes conning cops, she’s at the top of her class.
She visited a gynecologist who confirmed she was a virgin, and gave her a certificate.
Please save us from ourselves - or at least our lawmakers
A council spent £1million protecting non-existent newts
Dead woman sits in front of TV for 42 years


May 15, 2008
Museum of penises displays the big and the small
Cool Vehicle - Let us know if you live
Sick! Where on earth would this be legal? - Florida?!?
Your cheating heart - for sale on EBay
Dumbass of the day - scratch that itch
Hey I forgot where I put the pot
One big load of Bull


May 14, 2008
Now that is what I call rough sex
But it's art - massive nude auction - ok how about massive nude
Britain opens its 'X-files' - strange music in background
Sex services in gadget land? Nerd is the word!
Woman mistaken for a man settles NY lawsuit
More creepy "we are watching you" stuff
Raccoon bite causes school to lock down (He was really scary looking)
Discovery of HPV in male oral cancer - leads to questions
It's OK to Use Sex to Sell Booze, but only if it's Brazilian
'Perv paid teens to boot him in groin'


May 13, 2008
How about a blow job Your Honor?
Ass photographer has more than 3000 butt's in the bag
Woman mistook naked thief for husband
Not very bright, except for one brief electrifying moment
Canadian politician suggests $1500 tax rebate to get your fat ass in gear
Here's your ain't that cute moment for today


May 12, 2008
2008 people were naked and having a good time - where were you?
Give me pubic hair, or give me death - that’s the real headline
A real case of flaming stupidity all the way around
Just another day in paradise - pensioners booze it up and offer sex
Court transcribers can't understand Scottish - can anyone?
Cigarette machines 'to measure wrinkles, crow's feet'
But who gets to drink the beer
Nude film surfaces of Swedish Military - other services are jealous


May 11, 2008
Daughter fails math so dad gets 6 months in jail - no wonder so many people are in jail
Holding up a donut shop - dumb Using a BB gun - dumber
Expert on sex says "Sex can become like a drug"
22 year old burglar gets whooped by 77 year old - mug shot
Could Gullible have found a new king?
Man Seeks Meth in Casino's Lost-and-Found


May 10, 2008
13 Year Old Steals Credit Card to Buy Hookers - wants to be a politician.
In God's name we do relieve you of your money
Really, really, stupid; and you would think a university would know better
No need to spend your tourist dollars in Amsterdam - come to California
$100 fine and 18 hours in jail … for dropping an apple core
Reporter's asignment - report on sex from the inside.


May 9, 2008
Robber stashed cash up ass - bank doesn't want it back
$ spent on advertising provides better results than $ spent on research
The overlords are not pleased - employee fired for being robbed
Money well spent catching vicious criminals
Police able to subdue 82yr, hospitalized man with Taser
You may have a drug / mental problem
The overlords are not pleased again - customers billed for saving life
Police impersonators threaten with "Your stash or your testicles".


May 8, 2008
The ex-wife usually gets to keep the house - but what if it's the governor's mansion
Great tits cope well with warming
Teacher says sex with underage students was fun
Colorado seeks to raise $18.1 million annually screwing over motorists
Proposed law provides for up to 10 years in jail for lying about age on Internet
Woman Looks To Set Breast Implant Record (pics)


May 7, 2008
Busted big time by the other wife
Celebration of nudity is a tool of the devil - opposed by Church
Following the US lead, Cannabis penalty raised to 5yrs in UK
Fat Bottomed Girls get the last laugh
From dirty panties to pot - and you thought vending machines were for coke
From the you can't win files - America dried up the Amazon
Extreme perversions made prostitutes refuse Fritzl
How much and where do I order


May 6, 2008
People are stealing used french fry grease - no kidding
Priest gets 4 years for sex with inmates and becomes the new bitch
Ultimate penis extension for a really short willie
The Streaker's got balls
Teen Accused Of Trying To Rob Undercover Officers
Teens could be "virtually" sexually exploited - commen sense "virtually" absent
Plasma-powered flying saucer patented
Man in "vampire sex" case acquitted


May 5, 2008
Bears used to keep prisoners in line - probably works
Police Chief Shoots Self at Gun Training Session
When times get tough buy lip stick. - Huh ???
Nightclubing for the seriously underage crowd
Reality check on the war on wrinkles: Looking younger or just weirder
Want to visit the US - the cavity search is the easy part.
Chilean volcano explodes – cool photo
'Excited delirium' blamed in Taser-related deaths - believe us or we'll sue


May 4, 2008
It would be more effective if you could spell "Official" - you are now the official Moron
Let's milk this story for all it's worth - and Moooving on
At 22 with 74 convictions maybe they are telling you to move somewhere
To Protect and Serve ... Officer Arrested For Stealing Gas
Hawaiians want to secede - don't we all, don't we all
Eureka! academic professes to find the foundations of fellating
Too scared to get involved, - says something about our society doesn't it?


May 3, 2008
Sex on Ecuador's political agenda
English not drinking as much
Hey you with the big boots, come stand on my privates
Smart Kid - Good news for a change
When stealing gas don't check tank level with a lighter
Civil servant was demoted for viewing pornographic sites over 780,000 times
Medical marijuana user denied liver transplant dies
Teacher's aide and former exotic dancer, charged with corruption of minors


May 2, 2008
Fox news covers shaving your pubes
Raided the wrong address but it's our job - deal with it
A chorus line of scantily clad female amputees
You are under arrest - I'll need to suck your toes
Hot Penguin Sex with photos
No wonder so many people in the United States are in jail


May 1, 2008
Top 10 most controversial ads (slow news day)
Arrested for taking student to Zoo
But we're sure this time
“Bitching Betty” silenced, Landing gear forgotten, and $69 million lost
Police spokesman said they are ever vigilant and on the lookout for wedgies
Postman escorted home by police for wearing the wrong shorts.
Man tries to cash a check for $360 billion - Dumbass
Chunk your baby off a 50 foot tower - For good luck






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